The Two Sides of Dinah
by Lekta
Summary: Dinah's thoughts go both ways when it comes to her mother. ONE SHOT


**Author's Notes: My friend says that Dinah shouldn't be angry at the her mother for all that she did, because she did it out of love...My ass! This is a look into Dinah's angry thoughts, I will do one of Dinah's sad thoughts. REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Birds of Prey**

Damnit. Damnit it all to hell. It's not fair. Nothing in my life has ever been fair. I get stuck with abusive bastards for parents. Everytime something good happens in my life, something always has to ruin it and this time it was Carolyn. That's right, Carolyn, she has never earned the right for me to call her mom. I can't believe I was so stupid, that I actually believed what she said. I actually believed that she had changed, that life would be perfect.

I actually imagined it all, I would wake up one morning to the smell of bacon and eggs. My room would be what I always dreamed, filled with childhood memories and reflecting my personality. I would get dressed and go into the kitchen where my mom would be at the stove cooking breakfast in a pretty pink flowered apron. She would smile when I entered the room placing a plate of food in front of me. It would be smiley face pancakes and some bacon. She would place a cup of orange juice, sans pulp in my favorite cup.

"Good morning my beautiful, baby angel." She would say, kissing my cheek. Then she would hug me, feeling warm and safe in her arms. I would smile and reply, "Good morning mom." She would beam with happiness. The doorbell would ring and I would happily answer it. Barbara and Helena would be there, Barbara with a smile on her face and Helena with a smirk. I would hug them and lead them to the kitchen where we will all eat breakfast together before going out and kicking some ass. How naive could I be?

I admit, when I saw her again I wanted everything to be okay. I found out why she left me and I found out she was proud of me. I know that she loved me but, I've been hurt too many times by that...that...Carolyn...

Stupid Gibson! Oh yes, I knew he sent Barbara that email, the little lying scum. He tried to make me feel better and through my perephiral vision I saw him look at me, remorseful or maybe guilty. I have to admit, it felt good to get all those feelings off my chest but I have to be careful with my telekinesis. It's DANGEROUS.

I'd like to knock Carolyn around a few times with my telekinesis. If Barbara could only here me now. She'd probably reconsider not putting me in therapy. That's right I said it, therapy. For a week I didn't come out of my room and Barbara told me that she had considered calling Helena's psychiatrist. I'm so glad that she didn't, it's bad enough that I have me in my head but I don't want a psycho bitch in my head too.

Yeah that's right, I swear. Helena thinks I'm so sweet, so innocent. I learned a thing or two about a thing or two, mainly about curse words and sailors. I've stubbed my toe, more than a few times and let me just say, that Alfred had a hard time looking me straight in the eye for a full 48 hours.

Eyes on the prize Dinah, I have to keep reminding myself. It feels good to get this off my chest. Really. For so long I tried so hard to be the opposite of Helena. When she was in a bad mood the whole world knew it. I would be shocked if more than two people realized that I was in a bad mood.

I'm going to stop my rant with what started this whole thing. My mother thought that she was protecting me by giving me up and in a way she was, if it hadn't been for the Redmonds, I never would have met Helena and Barbara, my true family. I will never call her mother, only one person ever deserved that title. And I won't call her my real family because in my opinion, not all family is related by blood. Everyone of my blood relatives have disspaointed me and at one point or another I have hated them. I have found my family and my mother isn't part of it. Not now, not ever.

**Author's Notes: The sad part. Very, very Dinah angst. Please review... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Birds of Prey...**

Three days. Exactly three days ago, the Black Canary died. For exactly three days, I eaten very little and slept even less. My mind has been constantly on replay, the tale of my life. I'll tell you exactly what happened.

I only remember three things when I was young. The first was the night she didn't come home. I was only five years old, I had woken up from a nightmare. I woke up, so many images were in my head, I couldn't focus I grabbed my stuffed canary and I ran to her room. It was dark, really dark.

_"Mommy?" I called, my voice quivering in fear. The darkness was closing in, I couldn't breathe. I fell to the floor, eyes closed, squeezing canary tightly. Two strong arms picked me up and held me._

_"Dinah?" She questioned, placing me on the bed. I hugged her, crying. She carressed my hair and held me close until I was all cried out._

_"Better, my water angel?" She said, wiping away my tears. I loved the water, the ocean was my favorite place to be. _

_"You left me..." I whispered, holding her tightly. She looked at me sadly._

_"Dinah, honey, I will never leave you. No matter what, I love you forever and I swear to you that I will never leave you. Do you understand that?" I nodded. She smiled._

_"Get some rest, baby cakes." She said, moving slightly. I grabbed at her fearfully._

_"Don't leave me." She came closer to me, pulling the blankets over us._

_"Never," she whispered._

Yeah, she said that. The second memory is the night my world changed.

_She put me in the car. Strapped me in tight, placed canary in my lap. Kissed me and grabbed my bag. She started the car and we pulled out of the driveway._

_"Mommy, where are we going?" I asked, playing with canary._

_"Mommy, has some buisness, baby girl. You're going to stay at some friends house." She said, not looking at me. _

_"But you're coming back soon, right?" I asked. She didn't answer._

That should've been my first clue. But it wasn't. I stood by that window for days, my suitcase by my side. I never unpacked it, I always thought that she would come back for me but she didn't. It took the Redmonds to make me realize that.

_"You're a vile, disgusting child! How dare you scare your mother with those lies of yours! You need to be taught a lesson!" He grabbed me by my hair and beat me with his belt. I cried out every time it struck my back. _

_"Please...Mr.Redmond...stop...I'm sorry." I gasped out._

_"That's daddy to you, you are my child now, we adopted you! We have to cast the devil out of you! You are lying! Everything you see is not real, it's a lie! YOU ARE EVIL! A DEMON CHILD!" He yelled._

_"She is not my mother. My mother will come back, you'll see." I said. He glared at me, menacingly. _

_"YOU'RE MOTHER IS NEVER COMING BACK! SHE LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A AN EVIL DEMON CHILD! SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK! IF YOU DON'T STOP SAYING THESE THINGS IT'LL BE THE CLOSET FOR YOU!" He yelled at me._

_"B-b-b-but, it's not true...she promised she's come back for me..." I whimpered. He grabbed me and threw me into the closet._

_"YOU'LL STAY IN THERE UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME RESPECT!" _

_"No...please...no...you said you'd never leave me..." I sobbed into the door. _

And now she's gone and I have a whole set of memories to replay. Starting with the first time I saw her in ten years.

_"Dinah?" She asked, when me and Helena entered the room._

_"Mom?" I asked, upset, confused, angry and distrustful._

And here's our first argument, since, well...ever. I was too young to argue. I was a good, OBEDIENT child. Sure, whatever...

_"You're a superhero?" _

_"Dinah, I can explain." _

_"A-a-and not just any superhero, you're the Black Canary! You're supposed to be some some, big role model, a trailblazer, one of the first women to put on a crimefighting cape."_

_"Actually, I don't wear a cape, I - nevermind. How do you know all of this?"_

_"Well in case you haven't noticed, I'm living with Barbara Gordon. Also known as the Oracle? It's part of my training, sorta like 'Superheros 101'. The tradition and history you conveniently forgot to mention before you dumped me! But, you know, I guess being one of the greatest espionage agents in the world, having a six-year-old kid would've cramped your style."_

_"I did not dump you. I was trying to protect you, I was trying to give you a normal life"_

_"So it's normal for foster parents to lock their kids in closets until they promise to stop seeing things?"_

_"Dinah, when I left you with the Redmonds, I didn't think you had metahuman potential. You were six years old, you didn't show any signs. I hoped -"_

_"You hoped that what? If I was metahuman, they'd beat it out of me?"_

And then, the last time I saw her alive, when she told me something I wanted to believe.

_"Mom, I can't undo it!"_  
_"Dinah. I'm so proud of you. And this is what you were born to be. Oh... I couldn't hope for anything more."_

I feel so lost, so lonely. I can't do this again, it's just too painful. I can't think about her anymore. She promised to never leave me but she did, many times but she's never been far from my mind. _  
_

**There's no proof that Dinah has really been beaten by the Redmonds, just little hints here and there that everything is not what it seems, in Dinah's world. Thank you for reading this fanfic and I hope you like it.**

**BTW, I never portrayed Dinah as either angry or depressed but I know all the stages of grieving and most of her thoughts are based on my own feelings. If this upsets you then please tell me so, thank you.**


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